Study moderately

It’s been awhile since I had the luxury of time to blog. Myriad activities busied me the past days that it robbed me off of my leisure pursuit. The moment I’d settle down to spend a couple of my time on some writing, I’d get a sudden head-knock reminding me that I have to be somewhere else doing some schoolwork. I don’t even get the chance to fully position myself on a seat to relax anymore because just when I am about to have my derriere on a chair, I’d suddenly remember that I have to process something school-related. As if the close contact of my butt and the chair triggers some sort of electric shock, awaking some of the brain cells in my head that are responsible for student-conscientiousness. And mind you, my leisure time is not the only thing that has been taken from me by the demands I am currently facing. Even my social activities are being pushed aside; close enough to the brink of a cliff. I have the feeling that I’m becoming a school freak and that I’m losing contact with my inner self for putting too much of my mind on tasks and for setting aside my interests.



Chilling. Chilling because I’m becoming a monster in every sense of the word: ugly, intimidating, scary, tensed and highly unstable.



In the morning, I breeze the university entrance like a zephyr (despite the lack of sleep the night before). I enter the gates with not much of a problem (I never fear the chances of being eaten by the early bird because I was never the early worm… yah.. that’s the up-side of tardiness.) But I never believed the adage What starts well, ends well. The moment I proceed to the ladies’ comfort room, I get to prove that the adage was bogus. I start to get all depressed. I mean, who wouldn’t? Seeing myself in the vanity mirror looking like sh** wasn’t really something I’d consider celebrating about. And I get even more depressed once I enter the room and am welcomed by a heap of laboratory reports waiting to be rewritten and a bunch of experiments waiting to be performed. Seeing papers pile up on my experiment table makes me want to scream and run.



I spend 8 straight hours in school with no break 5 days a week… and the torture doesn’t end there. I spend 3 more hours studying for daily exams every night and another hour, making necessary preparations for the day after. The only time I get to breath is when I eat dinner. After that, I plunge down the ocean of work once again, praying I won’t drown.



Perhaps my mind is clouded with so many things already that it has also affected my sensitivity. One evening, I was writing a report that was due the next morning when my niece wanted to play with me. I was on my desk serious with my work when Zeniah came up to me, gripped my nose with her fingers and urged me to make funny noises. I wasn’t in the mood so I brushed her off and told her to go play somewhere else. Zeniah refused to heed my words and came up to me once again, making me brush her off the second time… and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth… I was cool at first but her persistence eventually got on my nerves that I actually blew my top and threw a fit. I was surprised in as much as she was. I couldn’t believe that I was able to do that to the poor child. Remembering the look of horror on Nyang2x’s face and the tears of innocent disappointment on her eyes still haunt me up to this very day. And I wonder if she would play with me ever again.





My niece is not the only one who’s suffering from my being stressed. My sister and brother have noticed my being easily aggravated even at the slightest provocation. Even my parents noticed it as well.





My preoccupation with school works has also made me miss a lot of the haps. I didn’t even know until last week that Ray was already a full-time male…(hehe) I didn’t even know until now that our office has been transferred from the 1st floor to the 3rd. And I didn’t know that my friend sent me an invitation to her debut via Friendster. I have missed a lot for having chosen to focus on what aspect my life, forgetting the rest.



And it’s not only that…





Because of my wont to maintain a straight 1 on my TOR, I have put my relationship with my girlfriend at stake. My constant absences have driven our once happy relationship down to a steep hill… and it’s really hard to get it back on track. (in as much as I want to elaborate on this one, I won’t… save the tearjerker story for a different blog.)



I have come to conclude that studying has done me more harm than it has done me good. Now, don’t get me wrong and don’t start lecturing me about priorities and the like because I very well know about it already. I’m not trying to persuade people to stay out of school or to take it less seriously. Each individual are in different educational/life sitch and there are established principles that simply don’t work out for some.



Take ME for instance. I’m not used to putting nerd-like efforts to school. And my attempt to be like one obviously tipped my world on one side, making everything in my life tumble. I wasn’t like this before. I’m more of a laid back person, relying on my capacity without stressing myself on being the best student my university ever had. That’s why, after I get through with this ordeal, I’ll get back to what I once was. No frills. No complications.



I might not be the best once I become the less-serious student once again. But I know I’ll be good. In time, I’ll be better. And eventually, I’ll be the best.



It’s better that way. So that the next time I want to have a crack at having even a wee bit of fun, I wouldn’t have to jump off of my seat like a crazy rabbit and run after another due homework.



Besides, I sooooooo do not want to act like a monster ever again. Not ever!